The Doctors Lane

The Physics of Grief

The science of physics has demonstrated when two particles interact with one another in a vacuum and are later separated into two different containers, stimulating one particle produces an activation response in the other particle. In much the same way, when two individuals interact and form a relationship, an exchange of energy occurs between the two individuals. This attachment continues even when the two individuals are separated from one another by distance, because the energy continues to be exchanged. Each individual’s brain identifies that specific energy as connection with the other individual. This attachment bond can be so strong that even when separated for years, individuals can come back together and resume their connection as if no time has passed. The deeper and more intimate and connected the relationship, the stronger the attachment bond.

However, when death prohibits the normal energy from being exchanged, the survivor’s brain continues to send out a signal expecting to find the lost connection. Instead of connection, the individual finds nothing but emptiness. They send their energy out again and again, but it feels like their energy is being sucked into a black hole. The severed attachment feels like a part of themselves has been amputated. Just like the experience of an amputated limb, the “phantom” feelings of the connection continue long after the energy exchange has been cut. As their energy is drained into nothingness, the grieving individual begins to collapse in on themselves, as if their very being is falling into that black hole of emptiness. The pain of loss experienced as grief is related to this severing of attachment. When memories of their loved one rise to the surface or are stimulated by circumstances or environment, the individual reexperiences this process, more energy is drained away, and the internal collapse repeats with each reexperiencing.

3 Responses

  1. Hello,

    I did enjoy this article ‘The Physics of Grief’ and could fully relate to what it was saying. It made a lot of sense to me and tapped into what I am feeling.
    But, I needed more…is there a flip side to this phenomenon? What about my love’s energy? Where is it? Does it come back to me?
    I left feeling that I am doomed to a black hole of sending out my energy and longing for a connection that may never come.
    Please advise if there is an answer or any resources that can address the alternate energy.
    Thank you,
    Livia Benedetto

    1. Over time (and there is no set time, each individual is different), your love’s energy begins to reconnect in a new, different way to the loved one you lost. You can reconnect through memory. As this happens, your memories of your loved one begin to turn bitter sweet, where the memory no longer brings painful tears but it brings a smile tinged with tears. Then, the memories bring you joy as you recall the wonderful experiences you had together. Through this process your love energy finds reconnection. And as a person of faith, you could also reconnect to the future hope of seeing your loved one again. Now, at first, the sentiment of “you’ll see them again in heaven” means nothing – you want them with you here and now, not sometime in the future! But (again) over time, you begin to feel the hope of a future meeting. Your brain can imagine being in their presence again. And your love energy once more has a place to land. Finally, as you heal from your loss, your energy begins to explore now and different places of connection – new relationships, new experiences – these new connections give your love energy a different place to land. Of course, these relationships don’t replace your lost love. The reconnections described above help with the healing of that loss. But the new connections are additive to your life in a new way. I hope this answers what you asked, but let me know if it didn’t.

      1. Hello and thank you for your reply.

        While I do appreciate the value of memories, I was seeking an answer to where my loved one’s energy is and how it might possibly manifest itself. I am of the belief that energy is not destroyed and if my own energy is being sent out looking for a connection, where is his energy?
        And although your reply says that I can reconnect through memory, the article states;
        “When memories of their loved one rise to the surface or are stimulated by circumstances or environment, the individual reexperiences this process, more energy is drained away, and the internal collapse repeats with each reexperiencing”.
        This does not sound too hopeful to me.

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